The Futility Infielder

Snuffing the Arsonist

Seattle lefty reliever Norm Charlton was recently diagnosed with not just a torn rotator cuff but a torn labrum as well. The former Nasty Boy obviously won't pitch during the 2002 season, and at 39, might finally be done.

This item caught my attention because Charlton put up a strong season with the 2001 Mariners (4-2, 3.02 ERA, .212 Opp. Batting Average) after several years of wandering in the wilderness. From 1997 to 2000, Charlton posted a 6.26 ERA as he bounced from Seattle to Baltimore to Atlanta to Tampa Bay to Cincinnati, setting fire to almost everything he touched. Early in this miserable stretch, I christened him the Arsonist, and the name stuck among my friends. In his previous tour of duty with Seattle, which ended in 1997, Charlton had crashed and burned as a closer (3-8, 14 Saves, 11 Blown Saves, 7.27 ERA). Much to our amusement, it took several Seattle relievers to pick up the slack the following year (Bobby Ayala 1-10, 7.29 ERA), Paul Spoljaric (4-6, 6.48 ERA), Bob Wells (2-2, 6.10 ERA), Heathcliff Slocumb (2-5, 5.32 ERA), and Tony Fossas (0-3, 8.74 ERA). By this time, Charlton was in Baltimore, causing conflagrations so intense Boog Powell might have shut his Barbecue Pit at Camden Yards (2-1, 6.94 ERA).

Shortly after the trading deadline in '98, an item appeared in the New York Times about the Yankees possibly being interested in Charlton. Seizing my muse at this odd bit of news, I composed a lunchtime email rant which I sent to a few friends. I still think is worth a chuckle now that I'm sharing my thoughts about baseball on a much wider plane, so I thought it was topical enough to pass along.

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Date: 8/3/98 1:18 PM

According to today's Times, commenting on the depleted relief corps:

[Yankee GM Brian] Cashman intends to ask other club officials if there is reason to be interested in the free agent reliever NORM CHARLTON, recently released by the Baltimore Orioles.

The following conversation is a dramatic re-enactment of a telephone call that took place at 11:30 AM EST:

"Hello, Brian?"

"Speaking."

"This is Jay Jaffe, a fair-weather Yankee fan and partial season ticket holder."

"Hi, Jay. Nice to meet you. What can I do for you?

"Well, Brian, I must say you guys are really tearing it up this year and I think you've done a great job on the hot seat as GM. Pricing the Big Unit out of the league was a stroke of genius."

"Thanks, that means a lot to me coming from a fan like you."

"Uh huh. Listen, Brian. I'll be straight with you. I know you guys are a little thin in the bullpen, what with Nelson and Holmes on the DL now, but I've just gotta say, you're really tempting fate if you sign Norm Charlton. Are you familiar with the term 'arson'?"

"Arson, yeah, like a guy who sets fires?"

"Exactly. Norm Charlton, he's so awful, my friends and I call him 'the Arsonist.'"

"Wow. That's not exactly a compliment, is it?"

"No Brian, it is not. Are you aware that over the last year and a half, Norm's ERA is 7.17? Brian, my rule of thumb is that if you could mistake a guy's ERA for a Boeing jet, you're better off passing on him. And..."

"Jeez. Is he really that bad?"

"...this year opposing hitters are hitting .305 and slugging .470 against him. His ERA on grass is 8.46..."

"I didn't realize he had a drug problem. That explains..."

"No, no, no. I mean as opposed to Astroturf."

"Oh. Kinda like that story about Tug McGraw where he was asked which he preferred to play on..."

"Yeah, yeah. 'I dunno, I never smoked Astroturf!' Cracks us up all the time."

"Well, look, Jay. I need bullpen help. Not a lot, but just some insurance. And if Norm's not worth it, who else is there? The trading deadline is past."

"Well, Brian, that's the second reason I called. Did you see Jim Bouton pitch at Old-Timer's Day?"

"No, I missed it. The damn sausage line was taking forever. George has got to do something about the vendors in the stadium. You know, I think that may be the key issue which seals this new stadium deal."

"You may be right. Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Bouton got his man out. He's 59, but he's got lots of big game experience. Two World Series for your franchise, a successful comeback at age 39. And he's a knuckleballer. Those guys last friggin' forever. I mean, that's only a couple years older than Phil Niekro was when he was with you guys."

"Hmmm. An unconventional thought, but it's crazy enough that it just might work. Tell you what. Let me bounce it off George and some of the folks here in the front office. I might even call Bob Watson in on this one."

"Good idea, Brian. Bob and Jim go waaay back. Did you know that when Watson was a rookie catcher with the 1969 Astros, he broke his thumb trying to catch Bouton's knuckler?"

"You don't say. Do you think it's a good idea to bring that up?"

"It'll jog Bob's memory, and it's probably healed by now. Water under the bridge, you know. Besides, Bob's probably got more pressing health concerns. That *is* why you're the man in the big chair now, Brian."

"Right. Well, thanks for the advice, Jay. Is it all right if I have Joe Torre or the Zim call you back with regards to this matter?"

"Sure, Brian, no problem. But those guys are smart baseball men. They know about the Arsonist and what he'd mean to the franchise: instant disaster. You'd be the latest trophy on George's wall, and I don't mean as in 'World Series'. Right up there next to Billy and Yogi and Gene Michael and poor Dick Howser and Buck Showalter and... you get the idea. Oh and one more thing: word on poor Norm last year was that he was tipping his pitches. Batters knew what was coming."

"Holy shit! You don't say...."

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Yes, well... Anyway, for all the derision I heaped upon the Arsonist when he was going bad, he showed a considerable amount of resolve by working his way back to being a serviceable pitcher. I salute him for that, and wish him the best if he and when he tries to make it back.

But just the same, I'm checking the fire extinguishers.