The Futility Infielder

Play Ball!

Opening Day at last! Spring has sprung, and I can now congratulate myself on surviving an entire winter on only a thin gruel of bowl games, NFL playoffs, March Madness, a trip to the Olympics, King George's shopping spree and Bad Rug Bud's odious delusions. But thanks to the events of the past several days, I've worked myself back to game shape.

• Last Thursday brought news of my Yankee tickets in our partial season ticket package. I've got eleven games thus far, with another two from last September (10th and the 12th, eerily enough) still to be redeemed for future games. My first trip to Yankee Stadium comes April 21 against Toronto, and other opponents include Seattle, San Francisco, Arizona, the Mets, Cleveland, Oakland, Texas, Boston, and Baltimore. I haven't scheduled everything yet, but when it's all said and done, my itinerary will likely include visits to the other boroughs to see the Brooklyn Cyclones, the Staten Island Yankees, and that blue-and-orange team in Queens, as well as trips to Fenway and Miller Park.

• Friday, thanks to a day off from work, brought an opportunity for a late-afternoon game of catch in the park. Breaking out the mitt and tossing the ball around remains a very visceral pleasure for me. Unbelievably enough, my mitt is the same one I played Little League with 20 years ago--a Greg Luzinski model Rawlings from around the time that Luzinksi ("The worst outfielder I everf saw, bar none."--Bill James, NBJHA) gravitated to his natural position, DH. Does that go far enough in explaining my lack of major-league success?

• Saturday brought an all-afternoon cram session to finish my fantasy league draft orders. I don't have the patience, the organizational skill, or the investment in it all to deal with a live draft, so this all-out ranking the players 20-, 40- or even 60-deep at their positions is as familiar (and painful) as a trip to the dentist. Time will tell, of course, but after seeing my team, I feel reasonably optimistic. At the most basic level, my draft strategy worked. I ended up with a lot of guys with high on base percentages--Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Edgar Martinez, Jeremy Giambi, Ellis Burks, and David Eckstein--and the ones who don't fit that bill will at least rack up the steals (I just keep telling myself that about punk-ass Jerry Hairston Jr. ). I've got two bona fide closers, even if one of them is named Roberto Hernandez. Now that I think about it, my pitching staff is pretty tubby: Hernandez, David Wells, Bob Wickman, Kevin Appier, and Rich "El Guapo" Garces have all the makings of a tag-team WWF match. What's the over/under on guys with gout?

Now that I've got my game face on... in accordance with the bylaws which accompany my prestigious position as a Writer of Sorts, I am required to put forth my predictions for the coming season so that you and I both may chuckle at their folly come October--or even May. So, here is each division in order of finish, along with my picks for awards (of course, this presupposes a complete season uninterrupted by labor strife):

AL East: Yanks, Red Sox, Blue Jays, Devil Rays, Orioles
AL Central: Twins, White Sox, Indians, Tigers, Royals
AL West: Mariners, A's, Angels, Rangers

NL East: Braves, Mets, Marlins, Phillies, Expos
NL Central: Astros, Cardinals, Cubs, Reds, Brewers, Pirates
NL West: Diamondbacks, Dodgers, Padres, Giants, Rockies

Wildcards: A's, Mets
World Series: Yanks over Astros

AL MVP: Jason Giambi
NL MVP: Sammy Sosa

AL Cy Young: Tim Hudson. Or Mark Mulder. Or maybe Barry Zito.
NL Cy Young: Roy Oswalt

AL Rookie of the Year: Hank Blalock
NL Rookie of the Year: Sean Burroughs

First Manager Fired: Tony Muser
First Superstar Traded: Scott Rolen

Number of HRs Barry Bonds will hit: 64 (he'll lose out to Sosa's 66)
Number of games Rondell White will play: 112