The Futility Infielder

I haven't seen any video of this, but it sounds and looks quite comical. Cardinals first baseman Tino Martinez was hit on the shoulder by the world's worst poet, Diamondbacks pitcher Miguel Batista, and they jawed and glared at each other. Tino took his base and was then forced out on a grounder. As he was trotting off the field, he charged after Batista, who threw a ball at him from very close range -- and missed. Punches were thrown, benches cleared, managers put the cheese in machismo, etc. Here's a photo just before Batista threw the ball at Martinez when he charged. But this photo just makes it look like two girls having a slap fight.

Oh, and lest anybody think I'm encouraging this kind of behavior (I'll cop only to "not discouraging it"), I'll point out that this is as good an opportunity as any to marvel at Martinez's .865 OPS this season. It's all downhill from here for Tino.

• • •

Speaking of not being too outraged at irresponsible behavior, is anybody else having a tough time working up sympathy for Texas Rangers rightfielder Carl Everett, who got hit in the head by an errant cell phone thrown by a fan? I mean, yes, it would have been terrible if a vaguely human entity had been hurt by something a fan had thrown onto the field. But the last ballplayer anybody wants to come to the defense of, with the possible exception of John Rocker, is Everett. The problem, as most right-thinking baseball fans see it, isn't that some fan hit Everett with a cell phone, or that the fan was stupid enough to use as a weapon (a deadly weapon, according to the charges filed by the D.A.) something which bore his identity. It's that the fan didn't hit that rage-addled, dinosaur-doubting child neglector (he plea-bargained his way down from child abuse back in '97, recall) with something that really would have put him out of our misery. Everett stayed in the ballgame? Better luck with your next toss, pal.

Our good friends over at Elephants in Oakland were at Saturday's ballgame when Everett was hit, and they (to stay in the "royal we" mode for a moment) have a lengthy description of the physics-defying toss and all of the other fallout surrounding it. They were also, so far as I know, the first ones to point out that when Everett picked up the cell phone and threw it off the field, HE hit somebody as well -- a stadium employee. Note that while Everett plans to press charges against the fan, noboby is pressing charges against Everett.

Taken with the latest incident of a fan running onto the U.S. Cellular Field (formerly Comiskey Park II) to attack umpire Laz Diaz, the Everett incident is sure to provoke plenty of hand-wringing in the mainstream media and in MLB's head office over how to protect those on the field, and plenty of pseudointellectual commentary as to how this proves the further decline of western civilization. Count me out of all of this, as I have no answers to offer, and no interest in trying. Hell in a handbasket, folks, just like this blog entry. Now excuse me while I go egg some taxicabs...

Postscript: Loathe him though I obviously do, I coudn't pass up the opportunity to pick up the AL's Player of the Week for my fantasy team. That ought to cool him off.