The Futility Infielder

Just back from a Midtown lunch with Will Carroll (in town for an appearance this morning on ESPN's Cold Pizza) and my NY crew -- Alex Belth, Alex Ciepley, Cliff Corcoran and Steven Goldman, a heady ninety minutes of baseball chatter that I wish I could do every day. The biggest topic of conversation was a potential Randy Johnson trade, now that the Big Unit has said he'd consider waiving his no-trade clause. Will, who gets better inside dope than anybody I know, puts the odds at about 50/50, but says he's not likely to come east, ruling out either Boston or New York, not that the two teams have anything to offer except that perennially disappointing prospect, Jack Shit. Besides trades, the other big topic of conversation was announcers, with Alex C. and Will going on about various Cubs personalities including Ron Santo and the late Harry Caray, and Will impressing us by producing the phone number of the Phillies' gravel-voiced god of the mic, Harry Kalas.

As I've been immersed in my own obsessive projects, I haven't left myself much time to write much about the All-Star teams. Here are the selections I would make for the two leagues, with the starters in bold and some piddling commentary after each position that would have been more detailed if I had the time. I've filled the 32-man rosters, I've represented each team, and for the most part I've blown off injured players in favor of the able-bodied. I tend towards the "reward the flukes" end of the spectrum rather than the "established stars in a slump" end, which will make for a few double-takes, but whether it's injury, age-related decline or sheer crapitude, there's no way in hell some of the voted starters deserve to be within 100 miles of tonight's festivities.

American League
C: Ivan Rodriguez, DET, Jorge Posada, NYY, Victor Martinez, CLE. Helluva season so far from Pudge, not only individually but as part of a much-improved Tigers team. Impressive sophomore campaign from Martinez. Posada hasn't been quite the same since breaking his nose but his OPS is still 64 points better than Baltimore's Javy Lopez despite having an average that's 46 points lower. It's the walks, stupid.

1B: Paul Konerko, CHW, Mark Teixera, TEX, Ken Harvey, KC. A real crapfest in the league thanks to injuries to Jason Giambi and Carlos Delgado and the passage into the undead of both John Olerud and Rafael Palmeiro. When Ken Harvey and Tino Martinez start floating to the top, it's time to change the water in the tank. Harvey's the KC charity case representative, post-Beltran.

2B: Ronnie Belliard, CLE, Juan Uribe, CHW. Another position suffering from poor first halves of its brightest lights -- Alfonso Soriano and Bret Boone. Sori's .796 OPS is unacceptable in that hitter's park. Mark Bellhorn could just as easily be in the mix here.

SS: Carlos Guillen, DET, Michael Young, TEX, Miguel Tejada, BAL. No trinity this year -- Derek and Nomar get to lick their various wounds. Guillen is making Seattle look very, very stupid for trading him, Young's done an admirable job filling A-Rod's shoes in Texas, and Tejada's signing is one of the few things that's gone right in Baltimore.

3B: Alex Rodriguez, NYY, Melvin Mora, BAL, Chone Figgins, ANA. A deep position thanks to some shifts. A-Rod's been a bit light in the clutch (.220/.310/.451 with RISP), but his overall productivity is nothing to complain about. Mora picked up right where he left off during his injury-riddled '03 before getting hurt yet again, and Figgins, with his 13 triples and 20 steals, has flat-out been one of the most exciting players in the league. Hank Blalock would make a worthy choice somewhere as well, but I need Melvin to fufull the Oriole quotient.

LF: Manny Ramirez, BOS, Hideki Matsui, NYY, Lew Ford, MIN. Manny's the best hitter in the AL. Matsui is starting to look like the guy in the catalog. Ford is one of the few examples where the Twins haven't squandered their immense logjam of corner infield and outfield talent.

CF: Johnny Damon, BOS, Vernon Wells, TOR. Beltran would merit the starting slot if he were still in KC, but caveman Damon's having a great season so far (.321/.401/.488).

RF: Vlad Guerrero, ANA, Gary Sheffield, NYY, Jose Cruz, TAM. No Ichiro here. Vlad and Sheff have been all that and a bag of chips for the teams who signed them as free agents. Cruz's low BA disguises his merits, and we need somebody from Tampa, their march to respectability notwithstanding.

P: Mark Mulder, OAK, Curt Schilling, BOS, C.C. Sabathia, CLE, Javier Vazquez, NYY, Johann Santana, MIN, Brad Radke, MIN, Fredddie Garcia, CHW, Mariano Rivera, NYY, Francisco Cordero, TEX, Joe Nathan, MIN, Eddie Guardado, SEA. I'd have given the starting nod to injured teammate Tim Hudson, but Mulder's had a fine first half as well.

National League
C: Johnny Estrada, ATL, Paul Lo Duca, LA, Michael Barrett, CHC. Guess that Kevin Millwood trade wasn't too bad after all.

1B: Jim Thome, PHI, Albert Pujols, STL, Todd Helton, COL. Unlike the AL, a very deep position, with Sean Casey and Lyle Overbay also justifiable choices.

2B: Mark Loretta, SD, Jeff Kent, HOU. How about ex-Brewers starting at second for both teams? Mr. Porno Moustache gets the nod over Todd Walker and Jose Vidro.

SS: Jack Wilson, Pit, Rafael Furcal, ATL. In which a Pirate with a .622 OPS in his first three years gets the nod despite drawing only 11 walks; his .855 OPS is still 50 points higher than any shortstop outside of Colorado. Furcal gets to represent the old guard because Edgar Renteria's had an off year.

3B: Scott Rolen, STL, Mike Lowell, FLA, Adrian Beltre, LA. Beltre's emergence makes this a deep position, with Aramis Ramirez playing well and David Bell, Ty Wigginton and even Vinny Castilla shoing signs of life.

LF: Barry Bonds, SF, Lance Berkman, HOU, Adam Dunn, CIN. I've always liked Berkman, and it's nice to see Dunn turn it around. Still, the asshole gets the starting nod.

CF: Jim Edmonds, STL, Steve Finley, ARI, Carlos Beltran, HOU. The silver lining to Griffey's injury -- and no, I don't wish the man any ill will -- is that Beltran's asterisk-riddled selection is now a moot point.

RF: Bobby Abreu, PHI, J.D. Drew, ATL, Miguel Cabrera, FLA. Abreu is criminally underrated. Drew is surprisingly healthy. Miguel Cabrera is going to be a very good player for a long time. Craig Wilson just missed a spot here.

P: Roger Clemens, HOU, Ben Sheets, MIL, Jason Schmidt, SF, Randy Johnson, ARI, Tom Glavine, NYM, Carlos Zambrano, CHC, Livan Hernandez, MON, Eric Gagne, LA, Danny Kolb, MIL, Armando Benitez, FLA. It's tough not to give Rocket the nod to start. Though I hate the Giants, it's great to see Schmidt recover, and I'm very happy to see Sheets become the ace he was slated to be, helping MIlwaukee to be the surprise team of the first half.

I'm out the door to catch a bus to East friggin' Brunswick to watch the game chez Goldman with Will and Cliff. There aren't many people I'd go to Jersey for, but if you get enough of them in the same room, I'm there.