The Futility Infielder

"Kick in the idiot box and wait for the news in the history books/ It's like junkies who hate their heroin." -- d. boon, lead singer of the Minutemen, "Shit You Hear at Parties"

Yes Virginia, there really is no joy in Mudville now that the Yankees have struck out. Try as I might to find some way to enjoy the World Series this weekend, it just isn't happening. Rooting against the Red Sox or even watching them is even more tiresome and aggravating when you don't particularly care for the other team, to say nothing of Tim McCarver and the rest of the distasteful Fox broadcasting enchilada.

At a time that I thought I'd be sitting in the upper deck of Yankee Stadium, I caught the final three innings of Saturday night's game in a midtown bar with the sound off, watching the Red Sox defense and particularly Manny Ramirez make a mockery of fundamental baseball, and they still won. Last night I half-watched most of the game, and even speeding through the commercials and mound visits on TiVo, found it to be a waste of three hours of my life.

Time was I could watch a World Series between any two teams and take up a bandwagon for a week while hoping to witness things I'd never seen before, perhaps learn something new, and witness the spectacle of two relatively unfamiliar fan bases making jolly fools of themselves with thundersticks or homer hankies. This week, it's class dismissed; short of reading a sabermetric analysis of a situation I didn't see, I got nuthin' and want no part of viewing the scene that's a mere two wins away for the Red Sox. I've been consigned to purgatory for the rest of the season -- what Alex Belth termed "the bitter'n'hell cut-out bin of The Sore Loser Record Shop" -- with nothing meaningful or intelligent to say about this best-of-seven Shit Sandwich, nothing that I can articulate particularly well through all of the bile I'm choking back. The insufferable, self-aggrandizing drama queen with the stitched up ankle really has shut me up, and I can only hope that gangrene or medical malpractice (hey, I'll stitch that tendon in place!) derails the Red Sox on the way to their first title since 1918. I mean, nobody ever blew a 2-0 lead in a seven-game series, right?

But it's never too early to start your holiday shopping, and so I've turned my attention back to the Yankees, not to pick at the wounds inflicted last week but to look ahead to the winter and the coming season. The bar around the corner from me, the one owned by former Dictators lead singer Handsome Dick Manitoba, has a chalkboard in the window that now reads, "Only 102 days until pitchers and catchers -- GO YANKEES!" a verbatim reminder of the one I saw at another East Village bar after the pinstripes' early exit in '97.

Despite the Yankees' seemingly unlimited payroll and whether or not they were near their theoretical maximum this year as Steve Goldman has suggested, it's ignorant to talk about what they'll do in the offseason without some idea of the money they owe. Here are their payroll obligations for 2005 and beyond. All amounts are actual dollars (in millions) rather than averages over the life of the deal (without deferrals), although signing bonuses have been prorated according to the best information available. Parentheses denote players no longer with the team whose salaries the Yankees are paying, at least in part. When two figures are separated by a "/" that means the club holds an option with a buyout; year-by-year totals include those buyouts and not the optional salaries.

2005: Jeter $19, Mussina $17, Brown $15, Rodriguez $15, Sheffield $13, Williams $12, Posada $12, Giambi $11, Vazquez $11, Rivera $10.5, Matsui $8, Lieber $8/$0.25, Karsay $5. Gordon $3.75, Lofton $3.1, Quantrill $3, Lee $3/0.25, Heredia $1.8, (Contreras $1). Total: $161.65 million. Arbitration: Sturtze. Free Agents: Cairo, Clark, Flaherty, Hernandez, Loaiza, Olerud, Sierra, Wilson.

2006: Jeter $20, Giambi $18, Mussina $17, Rodriguez $15, Williams $15/$3.5, Posada $13.5, Sheffield $13, Vazquez $12, Rivera $10.5, Karsay $6.5/$1.25. Quantrill $3.6/0.4, Heredia $2.5/0.2, (Contreras $2). Total: $126.35 million

2007: Jeter $21, Giambi $21, Mussina $17/$1.5, Rodriguez $16, Vazquez $13, Posada $12/$4. Total: $75.5 million

2008: Jeter $21, Giambi $21. Rodriguez $16. Total: $58 million

2009: Jeter $21, Giambi $22/$5, Rodriguez $17. Total: $43 million

2010: Rodriguez $18. Total: $18 million

Some of these numbers will make your eyes pop, of course, such as the fact that the Yankees' commitment for 12 players in 2006 is still bigger than all but two teams' 2004 payrolls (the Yankees and the Red Sox). The most interesting devlopment since the last time I did this in early February is that the Yanks' 2005 and 2006 commitments haven't moved as much as you'd think. Back before the Rodriguez trade, the Yanks were on the hook for $146.6 million in '05 and $113.9 million in '06. Even adding the $30 million portion of A-Rod's contract they owe over the next two years and $21 million for Mo in that same span, they're only about $15 million higher next year and $12.5 million higher the year after. Clearing the dubious pacts of Jose Contreras ($14m out of $17m in '05-'-06) and Drew Henson ($9.8m over that span) has enabled them to absorb A-Rod's contract almost seamlessly in the short term.

For as much as you hear the $180-185 million figures (depending upon who's doing the estimating) thrown around for this year's Yanks, it's worth pointing out that price is based on the average annual value of each player's contract without regards to actual structure of the deal. The backloaded Giambi deal, in particular, exaggerates the current Yankee expenditures.

I think the two biggest financial question marks facing the Yanks this offseason are the Kevin Brown contract and the Bernie Williams situation -- what they do with the $15.5 million they owe him if (and it's a big if) they sign Carlos Beltran, because it's tough to imagine they're going to put one of those eight-figure salaries on the bench on the days Jason Giambi can't play the field. And while I can't wait for this World Series to put a bullet in this baseball season and end my misery, those questions will have to wait for another day.